“Last night was so perfect, it was one of the best nights I’ve had with everyone for ages.” I said as I sat on my bed with Robyn and Beyonce eating breakfast.
“I know, I loved it. Justin is such a superstar now, I can’t believe it.” Beyonce agreed. I looked at Robyn who hadn’t said much all morning which was not like her.
“What’s up with you Rob?” I said casually as I took a mouthful of cereal.
“Nothing, why?” She said as she ate hesitantly.
“We are not falling for that, come on tell us.” Beyonce said. We were both looking at her now, waiting.
“I don’t know if Rachel will approve though…” She said. I had no idea what she was talking about.
“What are you saying? I won’t know until you say so just spit it out.” I said to her.
“Well, um, fuck I sound like such a whore but it just happened in the heat of the moment and I can’t take it back now. But I feel like I should have asked for your approval first seeming as he’s your friend…”
She didn’t even need to finish. I knew exactly where this was going and I already felt like throwing up. But of course, I remembered quickly I couldn’t let any of this show to them because otherwise things would get even worse.
“Say, Robyn, we aren’t gonna stay mad forever.” Beyonce insisted.
“Rachel, I kind of, er, slept with Tyron.” She admitted, looking down at her bowl of cereal. That just confirmed it. I didn’t know what to think, I mean, I don’t blame Robyn because she has no idea about Tyron and I, but Tyron obviously does so what the fuck is he playing at. I’m beyond mad. But that isn’t the word. More like, hurt, and I feel quite disgusted that he could go and sleep with my fucking best friend after admitting his love for me. I’m just confused right now. I don’t understand this whole situation. But right now, I need to sort out Robyn because she is looking scared and nervous as fuck. I can deal with Tyron later. But this is gonna be hard to act like it’s ok.
“You sl-slept with Tyron?” I managed to get out, somewhat happily, although it killed me to say. Robyn’s head snapped up at my unexpected tone and an uneasy smile crept upon her face.
“Yeah. Is that ok?” She asked feebly.
Fuck no it isn’t. He’s my bit on the side. “I mean, you could have asked for my approval but what’s done is done and there’s nothing you can do about it now.” Shit, that came out sour, it was harder than I thought to cover up my true feelings. Come on, Rachel. I was an actress, I was meant to be good at these things.
“Robyn it’s ok. Geez, I thought it was something way more serious than that. Rachel tell her it’s ok, look at her, she’s so worried.” Beyonce spoke up for the first time, trying to help the situation but in my head she was just making it worse. None of what has happened is ok.
“Robyn, don’t you think, for just once, that I introduce a friend into the group, and you can’t keep your pants on your hips?” I couldn’t help it. Now I was over the shock and I have slipped straight into bitchy. I heard Beyonce gasp and Robyn’s mouth literally dropped open.
“Rachel! That was unnecessary. What is the big deal about this? Because I don’t see it. So what, Robyn slept with Tyron, and yes she maybe should have asked for your approval, but does it really matter that much to say something like that?” Beyonce almost shouted. I looked at her, breaking my intimidating stare from Robyn for the first time. Beyonce looked pissed but shocked. I didn’t care though, I just wanted to get out of here and speak to Tyron and what the fuck he was thinking.
“I don’t give a fuck at the moment. You both need to leave, right now.” I said standing up from my bed.
“Rachel are you fucking serious right now? You’re blowing this way out of proportion.” Beyonce said as she stood up from the bed, staring at me. It was in their eyes but if they only knew what Tyron and I really had, it wouldn’t be like this.
“Rachel , I-I’m so sorry. I really am. You have no idea how-“
“Get. Out.” I interrupted, almost flinching myself at how cold I sounded.
“You’re unbelievable.” Beyonce said as she left my bedroom. I stared at Robyn as she slowly got off my bed.
“Rachel please I-“
“I don’t wanna hear it right now, please just leave.” I said sighing. I did feel kinda bad at the way I was treating my best friend but I wanted nothing more than to speak to Tyron right now. Robyn nodded her head and followed after Beyonce, leaving the room.
Once they left I took a deep breath and then it settled in what really happened. I just don’t understand why Tyron would do this. I went over to my desk where my phone was on charge and rang Tyron.
“Aye baby.” He picked up on the first ring. The way he said that made me feel sick. I mean, how many other girls has he slept with in this process to still keep up that sweet talk?
“Can you come pick me up?” I asked as politely as I could. I was gonna act like nothing was wrong at the moment.
“Sure. Right now?”
“Two minutes.” And then we both put the phone down. I took my phone off charge and then went downstairs. I couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say.
“Where you wanna go?” Tyron said after I got in the car.
“Anywhere, just need to speak for a minute.” I said. I looked over at him and he clenched his jaw. Something he always did when he got nervous. For a minute I got lost in his beautiful face and then I snapped out of it once I remembered what he had done. How could he?
“Ok. So what’s up?” He said as he turned the radio down. I turned my head back to facing the road.
“You tell me.” I said. I wanted to see if he would own up to it.
“I’m not too sure what you’re on about Rach.” He said calmly.
“Oh I’m pretty sure you know. Did you have fun last night?” I asked him.
“Yeah, it was great.” He nodded.
“Which part was great? Meeting my friends or having sex with one of them?” I said as I turned my whole body to face him on the last part. I saw him gulp and then he pulled the car over, turned off the engine and faced me.
“Rachel, look, I-” He started.
“How the fuck could you do that to me? Why?” I asked as I could feel the tears start to burn up as my voiced cracked. He looked at me and I saw the pain through his eyes as a tear rolled down my cheek.
“I don’t know. I really don’t. I have no explanation, it just happened.” He said as he shook his head, looking out ahead, not wanting to see me cry.
“How about you control your fucking dick?” I shouted at him.
“How are you getting this mad at me when you have a fucking boyfriend that you sleep with as well?! What’s the difference?!” He began to shout back. I didn’t really have an answer to this.
“It is just different! You knew I had a boyfriend! You knew that! I didn’t introduce you to my best friend so you could sleep with her! You knew what we had, why would you want to ruin that?” At this point the tears were uncontrollably running down my face.
“What do we have Rachel?!” He shouted this time. “‘Cos I’m getting quite sick of being your bit on the side.” He lowered his voice at the last part.
“So to tell me that you went and had sex with my best friend?! Makes sense.” I said sarcastically.
“No, of course I didn’t. But I did want you to know what it felt like to have the person that you love, sleep with someone else.” I sat back a bit in shock and looked away down into my lap. That’s the reason he did it. “So, there you have it Rachel. This is what I feel like all the time, how you’re feeling right now. And finally you know what it’s like.” He said, his voice cracking at the end which made me look up at him. He was looking straight at me, nothing but sadness throughout his whole face. Neither of us said anything for what felt like hours. We were just looking at each other.
I finally understood this whole mess and why he did it. This was his reasoning behind it.
“So, so you wanted to hurt me?” I said barely above a whisper.
“No. I never want to hurt you. Like you never want to hurt me when you have sex with Justin. I just wanted you to know what it felt like.” He paused and I understood him. It made sense. “Do you now see what I have to go through all the time?” I looked at the floor. “Rachel…” He said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me over to him. I sat on his lap, my legs around him, straddling him. We both were looking at each other. Both hurt. Both sad.
“But my best friend? Why her?” I pleaded with him. That’s what hurt the most.
“I didn’t plan for it to be her, it just happened.” He explained. “Look, it sounds crazy, but the reason I did it was because I love you so, so much, and I can’t bare to be this position in your life any longer…” He said as he rubbed his hands up and down my arms and I started silently crying again. I hated that I did this to him. He was such an amazing guy that deserved an amazing girl which I wasn’t. I couldn’t stop looking at him, his beautiful eyes that caught me that first moment we met.
“What do you want to do now?” I croaked.
“Rach, I know how you feel about me… Why can’t you just admit it?” He asked as he rested his hands on my thighs. “You can love two people at the same time, it doesn’t make you a bad person…” He continued.
“What does it matter to you if I admit it or not? What would change?” I asked.
“It would give me the motivation that I’m not just here for sex, that you actually deeply care about me, and it would give me a reason to keep fighting for you.” He explained, never breaking my eye contact.
“Baby…” I started as I hesitated as my eyes travelled down to his body and then back up to meet his eyes that were still on mine. “I love you…” I finally said to him. “But I love Justin more…” I finished. And that was the complete truth. I’m not sure I was in love with Tyron like I was with Justin, but I did deeply care about him, hell, I loved him.
He nodded in understanding. “I know you do, baby, I know.” He said as he leaned up to my face and kissed my lips. I kissed him back as I put my hands on both his cheeks and pressed my lips harder against his. I felt his arms wrap around my back as he pulled me to him as close as possible so our bodies were touching everywhere possible. The kiss got more intense and our tongues fought over dominance. I flicked my hair onto one side which I knew he loved and I felt him rise under me. I couldn’t get enough of him, I only wanted more the way he kissed me and the way he held me, I felt so wanted, so protected. He pulled away a tiny bit.
“I love you.” He breathed against my lips.
“I love you too.” I said back, looking into his eyes. A smile came upon his face.
“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that.” I chuckled as I forced my lips to his again and kissed him as much as I could, as if this was the last time I could kiss him. He stopped kissing my lips and instead started kissing down to my neck. I rested my head on his shoulders and moaned out when he started sucking on that spot that made me so weak. He sucked and kissed me all over my chest and right back up to my lips again where we looked at each other for a minute with nothing but love before he pressed his lips against mine.
I’m in too deep.